I wonder....

...what life would have been like if a year ago today I had taken a pregnancy test and it had been negative. Or, if my diagnosis of having a blighted ovum had been correct. I couldn't have imagined (from my initial reaction of having a positive pregnancy test) a year ago the feelings I would have today for this child of mine. Linking this time last year and today are such different times in our lives that it's challenging to remember being frightened and scared. Yet, I know that we were. But, here today, I can't recall ever being happier. And I have been pondering lately and I feel I am being robbed of time with Laney. Not only because I'm working but any time that I am not with her I feel that I should be. She is just growing up very quickly and every moment is priceless. And, as I look forward to the future, still I get sentimental looking at pictures of her right after she was born. There are mixed emotions and sometimes I just wish time could stand still.

As I conversed with a co-worker he shared some insight. (I find it's amazing what you can learn from other parents). He got me thinking about Laney as an individual....like all of us! Someday she will have a favorite color ( I think it's already red!), a favorite food, a favorite time of day and season, she will either love to run or hate it. As much as I know my little one, there is still much to look forward too.

And I wonder.....

Will she enjoy reading?

Will she be fast?

What will she be when she grows up ?

Will she want a brother or a sister?

Will she blush when she gets nervous like her Momma?

Or stick out her tongue in concentration like her father?

What will her favorite time be?

Will she love to play sports or will she love music or something else?

Will she be a morning person? (yes!)

Will she try to travel ? (and go to Australia.... me sad, how did I do that to my mother!)?

Will she love politics or medicine or corporate America? Or will she love teaching and serving others?

Will she like cats or dogs?

What will be her favorite color to wear?

Where will she love to shop? And will she even love it? ( I think I know this one too and YES!)

Will she have long hair or short?

And as I struggle with having to drop her off at daycare, and miss her every minute she is away, there is much to look forward to and times to come. And no matter what kind of little lady Laney turns out to be, I love her more than anything for all of it. Hopefully someday, I will get to be the part time mom and part time career woman that is ideal for me. But life was not promised to be fair and I have to remember it can always be harder and far worse than I have it. Accentuate the positive!

And thank goodness those four pregnancy tests were positive!