Friday, May 01, 2015

Kaledoscope Life

Where is the time going? And why is it all feel so blurry and fast? Probably because I jam pack my plate full and then stack things on top of that. And it isn't that I'm not happy. Because, I couldn't be more blessed with three healthy kids and a roof over my head. But sometimes it feels like a kaleidoscope life. I don't even know what that means. I guess that sometimes it feels our life is shaken up and fragmented and loose but when you really think about it and focus in then everything seems to be in a perfect place, frozen in time. Essentially in a chapter? Does this make sense? Probably not to you, but it does to me.

This season of life has been the hardest. Just so I remember: graduate school, marathon training, homeroom mom, soccer coach, very part time book keeping, and wife, mother. This doesn't sound so bad written out but it has been a tough road.

And I know that for me, it has been graduate school, and finishing up my master's. Kind of a selfish feat for a mother of three with a working husband that has a demanding job. This is painful. On all of us. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.  There have been times where I begged Matthew to let me quit. Others where I thought "I got this" and really couldn't absolutely convince myself that was true. I suppose I still wouldn't change it. I know what my breaking point is, kind of. And I know that juggling three children is harder than I thought. But I'd still have more. That's an oxymoron.

But this season has been wonderful too. Laney is thriving in spanish immersion. After a painful start. Landry embraced soccer after kicking, screaming, crying tantrums she rocks on the field. Leyton is the silliest, cutest, tiniest little bug I know. She is so funny and loves chasing after her big sisters, playing on the playground, running on the soccer fields, and laughing if they are laughing.

Kaledoscope life, not so bad. Just need a little more time to get to the next chapter and embrace whatever comes next.

So there's my heart.

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