"Courage is not the absence of fear. But the judgement that something else is more important."

I don’t really know what to say. I’ve been talking a lot about this weekend, so writing it just stinks.

The marathon I had been training for was cancelled. Saying those words doesn’t paint a full picture. The marathon was cancelled at mile 10 due to horrific weather and flash flooding in St. Charles, Missouri from Hurricane Ike. I had to beat hurricane Ike to Missouri and still it followed us there. Literally, the perfect storm.

The down pour started in the wee hours of the morning in St. Charles. I was up and getting ready to run at 4:45 am. I wasn’t too nervous; just ready. As we left the hotel and entered the parking garage we realized the weather was going to be terrible. Still, I knew that was a possibility and embraced the rain. The terror was when I saw the parking lots flooded. I realized then I was more afraid of the rain than the marathon. But little by little runners were getting out of there cars and huddling together. I was encouraged knowing I wouldn’t be suffering alone.

I had on a trash bag on my torso and plastic bags on my feet. It didn’t matter but mentally I felt better. I turned to Matthew and I said “I’m going”. And he said “ok” and started taking his sweat shirt off. Matthew had on a t shirt and shorts. And he jumped out of the car with me. Fox hole. I will choose him again and again because as hard as things are, there is no one else in the world I’d do this life with. And when push came to shove, he wouldn’t let me go it alone.

We stood in the rain for an hour just getting soaked. I kept thinking, is this normal? Do people do this? There was talk that the race might not go on. And we just kept waiting shaking and not knowing. At 7:10 am the gun went off and the race began. I was elated. I didn’t care that I had to squint to see and the rain felt like tiny ice pellets burning my arms and legs. I just ran and so did everyone else. And it felt good and I felt strong and brave. The wind was loud enough for me to barely even hear my iPod and then it shorted out at mile six. I knew it would, I just didn’t know when. And I kept thinking; finally, I am doing the marathon. It wasn’t how I trained or imagined but I was doing it. I kept picturing the finish and trying not to cry. I never even realized how far along we were; I hit the zone and talked to other runners and the race just went by. I felt perfect; but the conditions were not.

I remember the heart break this way. At mile ten other runners came toward telling us the finish line was ahead, they were calling the race. I thought they were joking. I was in total shock. The course had flooded and we had to stop. My first thought was, I don’t want to and I can keep going. In fact, a couple of people discussed it. But the bridge over the river and water, I knew we couldn’t. I wouldn’t have even known where I was.

Why we started a race that wasn’t finished will never settle well in my stomach. But holding onto yesterday won’t push me into my dreams of tomorrow. And I learned something about myself. I learned that even in the worst conditions and awful weather; I wanted to finish a marathon. I didn’t care if it was going to be harder or that I was 100% wet. I just wanted to cross the finish line after 26.2 miles.

Yesterday, I was devastated. Today, I am sad. But I’m not moping. I have a new plan and am trying to gear myself up mentally again for round 3 marathon training.

Waco, Texas October 26th. What irony. But God has a sense of humor and I am going to beat the hell out of this next one.