Sad Eyes

I've had sad eyes all week. I just want to write about why because I can't quit thinking about it and I can't talk about it without tearing up. My dog, Belle, that I have had since 8th grade; she drowned in our pool over the weekend. My poor Momma had to deal with this. Belle was old and probably on her way out but I'm still sick over it. I know death is a part of life. I still hate accepting the permanence of never seeing her sweet face again. She was given to me by Eric McCrum. And since his passing, she was what I held onto. I am angry with myself about a lot of it; like the abandonment by leaving her at home with my parents or not spending enough time with her when I was home. I don't like not having control and I don't like not being to change the outcome of decisions of the past. I know it could be so much worse and life is hard. I am terrified of all the someday's to have to go through. I look at Laney and thank the all the stars in the heavens for the unconditional love she has given me. I have many things to be thankful for. Maybe I don't want to shake this; I don't know. I keep holding onto knowing that God knows when every sparrow falls. I am just sad. I don't want to talk about it so I wrote; I am just sad. My Dad told me last night to Stay in the Moment. I think that is the best piece of advice I have had a in a long time.